Snapes on a Plane
by Zepyrcat
Summary: Just a little bit of humor from a plot bunny that wouldn't leave me alone.


Neville Longbottom stirred the potion one last time clockwise and watched as a peach colored gas rose from the cauldron. There, he thought to himself, that is done. He still couldn't believe he had gotten a detention with Snape of all things on the last day of class. He wondered, not for the first time, what curse he was under for his luck to be so bad.

"Professor Snape? I've finished."

"Bring me a vial. Hopefully this will teach you to mess around in class come next year."

"But I ..."

"Don't deny it. You added the serpent's tongue way to early in the potion. You could have killed someone. Now get out and back to your dorm. I expect that you still have some packing to complete."

Neville didn't miss his chance to escape and rushed off to his dorm, completely forgetting to bottle the potion. His thoughts were on how he wouldn't even have to take this class next year since he didn't think he'd done very well with his OWLs. He thanked the gods, every one of them he could think of that he wouldn't need to be a student of Snape's next year.

Back in the classroom, Professor Snape stood up from his desk muttering and grumbling about Gryffindors and students in general. Walking to the potion he looked within to find what appeared to be the correct potion; surprise surprise. Reaching for the ladle he reached in to poor out a portion to place in the vial so he could test it. As the ladle broke the surface of the potion another burst of peach gas arose from the cauldron to hit Professor Snape in the face. A stunned look was frozen on the Professor's face as time seemed to stand still.

Come morning Professor Snape shook himself from his trance and looked around. The potion had since vanished into mist and was worthless to test. He wasn't sure exactly what all Neville had created but it wasn't the Vanishing Potion he was supposed to be making. Storming up to the Great Hall he expected to find it filled with students getting ready to leave for the summer break. Finding it empty though did surprise him. He stopped at the kitchens for a quick bite to eat and then headed to the Headmaster's office.

"Ah Severus, I take it that what ever potion had your interest has been finished. Was it successful or another failure?"

"Albus, when did the students leave?"

"Why my boy, they left some days ago. Almost a week at this point. I am surprised it is not often you so forget the time and date when working on your potions. Are you alright my boy?"

Professor Snape blinked a few times at this pronouncement. A week! When he got his hands on Neville Longbottom he was going to live up to his name with the beating he would be getting.

"Any way my dear boy, I'm hoping that you will have time to perform a small task for me."

"A task? What do you mean, Albus?"

"Harry P..."

"NO! NO! NO! I've just gotten rid of that arrogant little brat. I'm not losing my summer time to babysit that little snot. No, Albus, I won't have it."

"My boy, if I could ask anyone else I would. It turns out that Harry's family is going to be flying off to Santa Cruz for Vernon's work. They weren't going to be able to leave Harry with Mrs. Figg since she has gone to visit with her sister. I need someone to go alone that knows how to live in the Muggle world that can guard Harry. It would only be until I can arrange other guards down there. A day or two at the most. You know I wouldn't ask ..."

"Wouldn't ask; ha, that's a good one Albus. You don't seem to do much but ask for thing to accommodate that stupid boy. But Santa Cruz has a rare Silver Monkey Flower not found anywhere else in the world. I will go IF I can harvest some of these for a potion. That would mean picking four flowers. I know how rare and endangered they are but they might, just might, be the answer I need for my potion."

"Yes, my boy, I'll make sure that you will have access to the flowers. I know some people there that should be able to assist you in finding them. Thank you, my boy. I know how much you value your personal time."

Severus gave Albus a glare and headed to the door. "Just make sure you have the ticket waiting for me so I don't miss the flight. I need to pack supplies," was stated ad he left through the door already planning how he would use the flower.

~§~

Things had been rushed when he left Hogwarts but he had managed to get to plane on time. Actually the entire time before he left he had been almost frantic with trying to get everything he needed done before his flight. Severus smiled as he relaxed for the first time since coming under the potion's affects, Albus had gotten him a first class ticket and he had the area to himself. The area and the attention of the flight attendants; fine food, good drinks, primping and pampering was had for the normally dour man. He was actually enjoying himself for the first time ever. Now if only he didn't have to deal with Potter ... No he wouldn't let himself think of that until he landed. This was his time to relax and be treated like he should have. A Prince was meant to be treated like Royalty and current that was how he felt he was being treated.

~§~

Back in other sections of the plane life was very different. Vernon and Petunia Dursley were sitting in Business Class enjoying some nice veal cutlets and some chardonnay. There son had been forced to sit in the Economy Class since Business Class was so booked. Forced to sit back with their freak of a nephew. Dudley had made himself rather clear how he felt about this and only promises of treats and presents once they arrived kept him from making a major fuss with his parents. The flight attendants were another issue, he complained and demanded service constantly from the crew. Harry's helpfulness and thanks for all the service was the only thing keeping the crew sane.

When Dudley decided to start slapping and pushing his cousin did the crew decide to handle things for them. A quick word with a frequent flyer and he was quietly moved to first class. Dudley was then moved up to sit by his parents. The crew decided that they could deal with the very large pest. In thanks for the help Harry was moved to First Class as well. This was done very carefully so that none of the Dursleys could see it being done. The crew would then move the boy back to Economy Class just before landing so that the Dursleys would be none the wiser. It was after this move that the magicals became aware of each other.

~§~

Professor Snape had been dozing, feeling a little strange but contributing this to the experience of being on a muggle plane. The pressure in his ears had finally equalized and he just figured that now the altitude was making him woozy. As a wave of dizziness hit him he heard a dreaded voice.

"Professor? Are you ok Professor Snape?"

"Potter," he sighed, "to what do I owe this sudden intrusion on my presence?"

"The flight attendants moved me up here some time ago. I've been watching you sleep. Did you try and use an instant tanning potion or something? Why are you orange?"

Professor Snape blinked in confusion. What _was_ the boy talking about now? He hadn't used any potion. Not since ... oh no. If he survived what ever was happening to him, Neville Longbottom was going to be in detention for the entire year. He looked down at his hands and yes they were an orange color. His thoughts went back to the potion and comparing ingredients and possible combinations. He quickly explained that he was suffering from a potion effect. He was just starting to explain the possible potions that had been made when a gurgling sound could be heard.

Now it sounded much like the gurgling of an empty stomach but for one thing. The noise was coming from his leg. Looking down you could see a large bulge moving under his pant leg. A sudden pop and he felt diminished some how and before him stood a miniature version of himself. Another wave of dizziness struck him and he was suddenly to disoriented to speak.

~§~

Harry stared as another bulge appeared on his professor. A quiet pop and another miniature appeared. As Professor Snape moaned and groaned in front of him more and more of the miniature Snapes appeared.

Unnoticed the first miniature had wondered off to try and find items stored in "his" luggage to attempt to make the antidote for the Simulacrum potion he had been accidentally overdosed with. The potion was a mastery level potion and very difficult to make. How exactly Neville Longbottom had achieved it would need to be address once he got himself back together and his hands on the boy. Being this small did have some advantages that he could go places unnoticed; one of the reasons the potion had been invented in the first place.

A carefully cast sonorus had the second miniature instructing his attention had Harry quickly looking around the area. As more and more of the miniatures appeared the true form of the professor became more of an after image then a physical body. Advised on how to cast a glamor the professor's body appeared to be a deeply sleeping form wrapped in a blanket. With a start Harry realized that the other Snapes would be visible to the crew and passengers on the plane. He would need to do some fast casting to cover this issue.

One of the Snapelings headed forward and had reached the cockpit. It quickly began lecturing the crew there though none could hear him since he had not cast a sonorus on himself. Both pilots reached carefully for their oxygen masks. They knew they had some how been exposed to something dreadfully wrong.

With a few more instructions, slightly confusing since they came from multiple sources, Harry began casting Confundus on the different classes of passengers and crew. They all now thought they were hallucinating and weren't seeing miniature people running around. A quick accio pulled the Snape lecturing the crew in the cockpit, all who now wore their oxygen masks to keep out the hallucinogen gas from reaching them further. A belief enforced by his sudden removal.

Other mini-Snapes had joined the first and headed for the potion supplies. Taking different routes to ensure that at least one of them reached the luggage area. An attendant had opened a cupboard and seen one of the minis climbing down the back of it. The Confundus meant that she should have just ignored it but she was actually a squib and had some resistance to the spell. She screamed at the appearance bring fear and confusion to both the other crew members as well as the passengers themselves.

An overhead compartment chose that moment for the lock to fail and the carry-ons along with a couple miniatures came tumbling down; right on top of Petunia Dursley. With her scream panic shook the passengers and crew. And earned her a Snape-sneer from the miniature himself.

The first Snapeling had made it to the luggage compartment. His luggage was buried under other passengers. As he tried to find how buried the luggage was other Snapelings joined him. Even with the others it would be impossible for him to move things enough for the supplies to be available. He would need the help of Potter to get anywhere. And he didn't have that long to do it since the potion had a time limit before it would need to be reversed. Sending the thought mentally to his other selves the knowledge and need was past to the second miniature.

"We are in need of your assistance below. Luggage will need to be shifted to allow access to our luggage and then the potion will need to be brewed and brewed well in order that we do not die from the potion we are under. We do not have time for the incompetence that you normally show in class, Mr. Potter."

"I can brew just fine if I don't have to worry about stray ingredients flying into my cauldron or nasty sneers from the professor distracting me at critical points in the brewing," Harry all but huffed.

"You will follow our instructions on the proper brewing. We will see exactly how well you can brew without distractions. Instructions will be given carefully so that you should experience no distractions. Hopefully this will assure you?"

"Thank you Professor, I'll complete the potion to assist you. I really do want to help."

Gathering the other Snapelings, Harry headed down to the luggage department, carefully skirting the flight attendants and the Dursleys in route. Snapelings came from under chairs, from cupboards and cabinets and even from the walls, ceiling and floor. Passengers would blink confusedly at this parade. More then one of them wondering what exactly they had eaten or drunk to see these. One man was heard muttering that the pink elephants were a much better companion when he was drinking.

Climbing down to the luggage area, Harry was carefully moving luggage to allow access to Professor Snape's supplies. Like most wizard items the inside of the luggage was much bigger then what the outside showed, allowing the supplies and clothings to stay separate but still keep to one bag. Carefully gathering a copper cauldron and the potion knifes and stirrers, Harry began the preparations for making a potion.

The first item was a spell to make sure that the flame used and the gases released would not be detected by the plane's alarms. Once the cauldron was set up and the water was boiling away did the work begin on the potion itself. Noting down the instructions and then carefully beginning the work, Harry chopped, sliced, pounded, and otherwise prepared the ingredients that could be prepped ahead of time without affecting the potion. Only two of the items would need to be prepared just prior to adding to the potion itself. Carefully but calming adding the items, Harry listened but didn't let the Snapelings voices impede his work. The last item to be added was one of those that needed to be freshly prepared just prior to its addition. This item, the smoked dried form of a Finnish Sea Cucumber, needed to be shaved finely and then stirred into the potion one shaving at a time. With a slight burp of purple gas the potion was complete. Now would come the hard part of the project.

Harry carefully began to make his was back to the passengers area with the bottled potion. He'd cleaned up the area and no sign that the work had been done remained. Herding the Snapelings was the careful part. They had been separated from each other long enough that they were no longer thinking as a coherent unit but individually. Which meant that keeping them together was like herding cats. A number of times he'd needed to back track to make sure that some item hadn't caught some miniature's attention before getting the group moving again. Little time remained not only for the antidote to work but the plane would be landing soon as well.

Carefully one drop was given to each of the Snapelings and then the remaining portion was given to the now slightly fuller main form of Professor Snape. With a slow and gradual sucking sound each of the Snapelings once more joined with the professor's body. As awareness once again became apparent in Professor Snape's eyes, Harry began to slowly explain each step and everything that occurred while the professor was under the potion. Small splashes of pink appeared in the professor's face on some of the issues and acts that his miniatures had gotten into.

"Potter, while I appreciate the assistance while under the potion and it does appear that you might have _some_ skills at potions, don't think that this will make us friends. And if one word of this gets out to your ..."

"Relax Professor, you're still recovering. Of course I won't be telling any one." Harry quietly stated to himself, 'not that anyone would believe me.'

"Potter when we get down to land you will accompany me to gather some much needed potion ingredients. I can't leave you with your relatives since there may be some after affects from the potion and I will need someone I can rely on with me. I can rely on you Potter, correct?"

"Yes Professor and gathering potion supplies sounds like it might actually be interesting." Harry didn't add that it would be more interesting then sitting in the hotel room alone. He knew his relatives didn't want him there and only unforeseen circumstances had led to him even being there. Besides if it led to better relations with his snarky professor maybe that would lead to better classes. He would only hope and gather potion supplies of course.

~§~

The return to Hogwarts at the start of the next term led to a few surprises for the students. First, Harry Potter and Professor Snape seemed to be actually talking as the other students arrived from the train. They even seemed to be joking; something about a prank and Snapes on a train. A mass shudder affected all the students within hearing. Second, Professor Snape could be seen smiling. Not only was he smiling but he even laughed a couple of times. Students wondered when the apocalypse was coming. All they knew was this was unexpected. Slytherin students even went so far as to start composing notes to their parents to see what testing they would need to find the potion that the professor and their head of house was under. Lastly, the world seemed more on an even keel as Professor Snape spotted and yelled at Neville Longbottom. His screech of Longbottom seemed to be still echoing off the walls three days later. The long on Neville's face left many with the idea that he was a dead man. Alright so maybe the apocalypse wasn't coming but things were sure going to be interesting this term at Hogwarts. But that's another story.

**AN: Ok this story kept popping into my head from mishearing an announcement from the TV and I just couldn't get the plot-bunny to stop bouncing.**


End file.
